Pregnant
October 13th, 2007You read that right. Faith’s pregnant. If you know me, I know what you’re thinking – and no, it wasn’t an accident. We very deliberately started trying a while after getting back from Hawaii this year. I have to admit, my immediate reaction was a combination of excitement and terror. That might not be the appropriate reaction, but given that it will change everything for the rest of our lives, I think it’s completely appropriate.
Even though we’ve had two ultrasounds, and we know it’s real – it completely doesn’t seem real for either of us yet. Our immediate discussions centered around things that we’ll need to change about our lives either immediately, or by the time the child is born. Things like: we’re going to need to keep our place tidier and stop living like college students, we’ll need to start actually buying groceries and eating out less (since it’s expensive), we’re going to need to get acclimated to not sleeping most of the weekend like cats.
Some Changes are Coming
I’m also going to need to make some changes, since I’m not particularly responsible with money. I’ll need to buy fewer CDs and see fewer shows, since both add up pretty quickly. Five years ago I would have written that sentence with utter horror, but these days neither seem like that big of a deal. I’ve been buying fewer CDs anyway because of eMusic (ok, I did buy four CDs last week, but that was an anomaly these days) and I’ve been getting progressively less interested in live music. Don’t get me wrong, I love live music – but I have seen hundreds of shows, and it’s getting pretty hard to find a show that’s worth the time, money and effort anymore. This year’s notable exceptions include Grinderman at the Metro, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club at the Vic and Arcade Fire at Chicago Theater.
How Do You Raise a Kid?
In addition to life changes, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to raise a child. Do we start going to church? (Probably not, since I don’t see the point and I’d feel like a ridiculous hypocrite every Sunday.) What do we tell the kid about sex? (Probably everything, why shelter the kid?) I’m thinking of starting a journal of things I’d like the kid to know – something I can give them around the age of twelve or so.
The Central Idea: Undo
When I think about my own upbringing, there is one very important idea that has carried me all through life. I’m not sure where I got it, since I don’t recall anyone sitting me down for this kind of talk, I suppose I might have come up with it myself. The idea is this: there are two kinds of decisions you can make in life: ones you can undo and ones you can’t.
Ok, the idea isn’t groundbreaking. But I thought a lot about this as a kid. Trying any kind of drugs more exotic than smoking pot a few times could lead to addiction, trouble and maybe death. So I didn’t do it. Drinking and driving is the same: I could kill myself or someone else with that decision, so it’s best to avoid it. As a teenager, I held off on sex for quite a while because everything about it had long-term implications. If not pregnancy or disease, at very least you could wind up in a more more intense relationship that you ought to be in as a high school kid – and I had a pretty good idea that I wasn’t mature enough for that at that time.
I would like to impart this idea to my kid, because it seems like it’s a pretty good divining rod for avoiding catastrophe. I think some parents overprotect their kids, and end up driving them to the things they have been forbidden to do. Something I think my parents did well (although perhaps by accident) was to remove the allure and mystery around things get into trouble doing. My parents would buy me wine coolers at Summerfest, which gave me familiarity with alcohol and as a result, lessened any fascination I might have with it.
I was able to stay out fairly late, so sneaking out of the house was never really a problem. I was able to have girls in my bedroom as a kid, so I wasn’t out trying to find places to make out or worse. Don’t get me wrong, I still got into trouble as a kid. I threw parties when my parents were out of town, I altered my report cards in high school, etc. But I didn’t get into any trouble that I couldn’t undo, and that would have set me up for a tougher path in life.